when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize