It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
