I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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