I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize