that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
