So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
