Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
