Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
