I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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