I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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