If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Green mimosas i think yes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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