I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am midnight drunk by noon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
