I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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