you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
