we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize