i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
