You made me cry and you don't even care
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
