Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
