she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
