you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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