Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
