do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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