When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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