my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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