he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
