Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
