ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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