be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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