Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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