Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
