ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
