She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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