I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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