I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
