You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
