this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
