just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize