just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
