then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
