wanna go halves on a baby?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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