Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out

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(303): View more from Colorado

He felt like a one man threesome

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(562): View more from California

the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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(812): View more from Indiana

I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend

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(972): View more from Texas

I woke up wearing mittens dude

(864): View more from South Carolina

I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.

(864): View more from South Carolina

checkmate.

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