I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
