Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
