I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize