youre lurking in front of me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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