what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
