is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
