I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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