Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
