Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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