PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
