i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
