Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize