Sponge bath it is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
