Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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