Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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