Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
