Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
