Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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