I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
