Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
