A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
