He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
