Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize