I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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