Is it because I queefed?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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