there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
