Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
