Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
