meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize