remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
